If I Knew Then What I Know Now

 

 

 

 

happinessIf I Knew Then What I Know Now

I was recently thinking about the concept of success.

I am not referencing the kind of success defined by how many material things you have acquired, the balance of your bank account, the number of diploma’s on the wall, or degree’s behind your name.

The question that came to mind was what has to happen for someone to feel they are having a successful relationship with you. This may include your relationship with a customer, the relationship of a doctor and patient, or relationships with your family, spouse, or other loved ones.

I was once told that a patient will tell you what is wrong with them if you just take the time to listen.  

The concept of listening can be invaluable in determining the direction our lives may take.

What do people really need to consider their time with you a success?

I suspect the responses could fill many pages if a poll was taken. Everyone may have multiple points that they consider vital for a relationship of any kind to florish.

In my opinion the most critical steps anyone must take to make a relationship a success can be reduced to the following four points:

1. Listen-pay attention to what the other person is telling you. Don’t just hear them, listen to what they are really saying. We should spend most of our time with another just listening. Only then do you have the permission to give your opinion about the issues presented.
God gave us the gift of two ears and a mouth so use them appropriately. Take the time to crawl into someone else’s world and find out what makes them who they are.

 

2. Compassion- show a sincere interest in anothers problems, desires, wants, and needs. Let them know you care and have their best interest at heart. Give them confidence that you will do what you can to help them achieve what they want or relieve their suffering.

 

3. Empathy- take the time to listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Why they feel the way they do. What has happened in their life that created the thoughts and idea’s that make them who they are, today. What trials and tribulations have influenced how this person responds to different situations.

 

4. Trust- if you want to have the optimal relationship, of any kind, you have to develop trust. The other individual involved needs to feel secure in revealing themselves to you. This all starts with just listening, understanding their situation and demonstrating a sincere interest in helping them find a solution to their problems or obtaining something they desire.

Let the other person know they are safe with you and nothing will come between you. That you are a team and together you will find a solution to their problems and concerns.

Some conversations with others are filled with conflict and quickly spiral out of control. If you find someone is attacking you for what you say or stand for it is time to take a deeper look at what is creating the hostility. Frequently hostility arises out of poorly understood intentions.

They may not feel you have their best interest at heart.

You need to find out what the deeper commitment is that is driving this person to push you. If you take the time to stop and say “I think I am not understanding where you are coming from or why you feel the way you do” it will give them the oppurtunity to explain. Finding common commitments will make you both more at ease and allow you to ressolve differences and move forward. This will result in a more productive and rewarding relationship.

Most conflicts in life and relationships arise out of someone having unfullfilled expectations, unressolved intentions, or undelivered communication with another.

Get your cards out on the table. Let people know up front what they can and cannot expect from you.

If you want to move forward in your own life, keep the debri cleared out of your way.

If you have something on your mind or someone has done something that is eating at you bring it up to the one involved.

Let them know you want to get this out in the open, and all you want them to do is listen. This will help you clear your mind and allow you to continue moving forward with a more rewarding life.

If you do nothing else, do the following:

Actively listen
Show compassion, be generous
Understand to be understood
Crawl into their world
Find anothers commitment to words, recognize common commitments
Build trust one conversation at a time

If you make these steps a part of you daily life, in dealing with others, you will change the outcome and quality of your life.

Starting today, listen to what another is try to tell you, take the time to understand, offer to help find a solution, and build trust.

Follow the above with all of your heart and people will do anything they can for you.

You have to give something before you can expect anything in return.

Then you will never have to say……….if only I knew then.

 

Does Your Relationship Deserve A Little TLC

Does Your Relationship Deserve A Little TLC

Is there a relationship so true and pure that there isn’t a conflict from time to time?

Maybe.  But it’s doubtful.  No matter who is involved in the relationship a clash is sure to occur occasionally.

It could be a difference of opinion with your spouse, a friend, your children, a teacher or even your minister.  Life is filled with opinion and not all those opinions are going to agree with yours.

That’s when you need to reach down deep and summon your TLC, or tender loving care.  We’ve heard about TLC most of our lives and have expressed a need for it more than once.

It might be good to add a U to TLC making it TLCU.  The U is understanding.

One of the first steps in improving relationships is understanding the problem.  Once you understand the problem or the underlying cause of the disagreement then you’re more likely to be generous with your TLC.

You may remember the movie that expounded the philosophy that love means never having to say you’re sorry.  Others have said if you love someone you wouldn’t have hurt them in the first place.

No one is always totally right and no one is always totally wrong.

Step back and view the problem through your friend’s eyes and heart.  They probably feel as you do that they are right and you are wrong.  When you take this perspective you grasp the situation from a different angle and broaden your ideas and ideals.

Remember, it must be about more than being right.  Sure, it may be a matter of pride but if you truly respect the other person then just being right is not enough.  You must respect your friend’s dignity and self-respect.  They expect and deserve your empathy just as you deserve theirs.

Truly empathize with the other person with more than just words.  It’s easy to say that you understand how they feel but if it’s only words you’re saying then you’re no closer to improving the relationship than you were.  If there is something physically you can do then do it.  If the argument is about something tangible bring it into play to show your sincerity.

Listen to what they have to say and communicate.  Communicate in a positive and tender way without being accusatory.  Even if you’re certain they’re wrong, don’t make them feel responsible.  Keep it positive and happy.  Let them explain the disagreement from their point of view.  Remember, it’s about more than just being right if you value the relationship.

Show your appreciation and express forgiveness.  To forgive another is to be forgiven.  There is more to life than trivial matters.  Learn to compromise.  Forgiveness and compromise takes practice.

You may want to blame others, but examine yourself.  Blame is often times a shared responsibility. Keep your expectations high. Expect to improve the relationship but be realistic.  You may have to give more than you get.  Giving TLC becomes easier with TLCU.

 

How Anyone Can Benefit From Life Management For Physicians

We all can benefit from a dose of life management from time to time; however, when it comes to life management for physicians we tend to think they have it all together.

There is not a single occupation that does not have demands, stressors as well as rewards.

Perhaps physicians just stand out because they are who we turn to for optimal health and during times of crisis.

Afterall, if your doctor is able to see all those patients and show up at 2 o’clock in the morning at your hospital bedside he must have his act together, right?

Hmm…maybe not

A doctors life expectancy many years ago was only about 55, due to the demands of burning the candle at both ends, personal habits, and ignoring their own health issues.

Fast forward to 2011 and we see doctors living much longer; however, the burnout rate has escalated in certain specialties, especially primary care.

The changes you may be witnessing are doctors that once took care of you in the office and hospital are now making a choice to do one or the other. There are many reasons why they make the decision to do one or the other, but the primary response you will hear is needing more time for themselves, friends, family and the one they love.

It is no secret that the medical profession does not have a great track record when it comes to achieving success with long term relationships.

If a physician is leaving home at 6 a.m. and getting home at 10 p.m., something is going to eventually give even in the most committed of relationships.

Does this mean your doctor that has provided your care for many years suddenly doesn’t care about you?

Of course not, they are finally realizing that to provide optimal health care, they need to be taking better care of themselves as well.

Working up to eighteen hours per day does not leave anyone much time to focus on themselves.

To achieve health excellence we all need to address the spiritual , emotional , and physical aspects as our health care needs. We all know that being out of align in one aspect can wreck havoc on our overall health.

Doctors are required to be constantly learning new things, dealing with lower reimbursement, complying with documentation rules, seeing more patients, less income, phone calls, dictation, malpractice threats and many other issues all before they even consider the time their family wants and deserves.

I know, that is what they signed up for when they went to medical school, so they should just deal with it.

I am sure you have noticed that your doctor seems to spend less time with you year after year…the days of sitting down and chatting about your latest vacation or how the family is doing are about over. To maintain their incomes and expectations of the people that sign their paychecks, doctors are being pushed to see patients as often as every 10 minutes.

Now that is great if you are the patient that wants to get back to work and just has a cold or sore throat, but what about the older patient taking 10-15 medications for heart disease, diabetes, and high blood pressure. That visit will take a minimum of 20 minutes if no one talks.

So, I hope you can see the frustration many physicians face in the constantly changing world of health care.

Many would argue that physicians need to get better at managing their time.

How do you manage your time when their is no more time to manage.

Or is there?

Life management through time management for physicians is something we can all learn and benefit from.

If you are a doctor or someone dealing with the difficulties of any other profession, then the following strategies may help you achieve a more rewarding life in and out of the office.

1. Just Listen- instead of keeping your eye on the clock, take the time to allow your patient or customer to just talk about their problems, family and what makes them smile. Even if you only do this a couple times a day you will feel more rewarded for your efforts at the end of the day and your patient or customer will think you spent hours with them.

2. Emotional competence- look for emotional competence and professional competence when dealing with people and potential employees. Someone that knows what makes them happy, what upsets them, what they find satisfying, can be a great future asset to your business.

3. What Bugs You- take the time at the end of the day to make a list of the things that are bothering you  before leaving the office.

4. Ask For Advice- ask your older patient or customer how they dealt with certain issues in the past. Their insight can be invaluable and many have a wealth of wisdom.

5. Stop Trying To Be All Things To All People- sometimes you just have to  say, no,  or I can not do this today.

6. Take Time Off- take regularly scheduled days off or half a day.  Your patients and your staff
will eventually expect you to be off and unavailable during that time. Use the time for something you really want to do.

7.Become More Transparent– share with your patients, colleagues, and customers  your struggle to find balance in your
life. They will most likely have some useful and uplifting advice.

8.Family Needs- ask your family what they need most from you. It may be something
different than you think. (Ask your office staff too.)

9. Spread Your Wings– when you’re out socially with colleagues and friends, make a real attempt to
talk about things other than medicine or business. There is a whole big world out there unrelated to the health care profession.

10. Balance Your Task- learn when to multitask and when to hyper focus  on things that need your attention now.

11. Eat With Your Family- eat at least one meal a day with your family or with a friend. You will be perceived as having spent more time with them if you sit down and give them your full attention. Patients perceive the time spent with the doctor as much longer when the doctor actually sat down and listened.

12. Your Own Mental Health Team- develop a support system that helps you relieve  or eliminate stress. Everyone needs family and friends to
rely on, but baby-sitters, house cleaners and someone to take care of the lawn can play a major role in keeping your stress under control.

13. Avoid The Office On Days Off- try to avoid getting into the habit of  going into the office on the weekend or other days off, unless absolutely necessary.
It is rare you get caught up or stay caught up when you use the weekend instead of spending the time doing other things with family or using it for “me” time.

14. Keep Business Separate From Friendships- make friends with a few people who will agree to never ask you to be their doctor.

15. Learn To Shift- remember that life balance is a shifting concept and some days will be better than others.

16. Talk To Yourself- ask yourself a simple question, “Is doing ________ going to make me wish I was home with my family?” If so, graciously say, “No thanks, someone else will have to do it.”

17. Enjoy The Journey- realize that each one of us has our own mountain to climb. Try to remember to pause to enjoy the view along the way and to help and let yourself be helped by others you meet on the path.

Try to implement at least one of the above strategies into your business and life.

Learning how to tweak this and shift there will help create greater satisfaction and less stress leading to am more rewarding  practice, happier relationships and more  optimal health.

 

Docmac

Can Touching Someone Change Their Life

Can touching someone change their life 

This is the season when we all reflect on our past, family, friends, loved ones, and our future. It can be a stressful time of year even with support from family and friends.

It is hard to believe there are those out there that have lost contact with family and friends. It is easy to see how someone forgotten or no longer has family could feel a loss of hope. You may be one of them.

I have had the oppurtunity, through the years, to witness patients that had no hope for survival, suddenly have their condition turn around without any change in medical intervention. You were left wondering what changed, that helped them begin to improve against all odds.

I have had others that began to experience a decline in health without any obvious explanation. These patients had lost contact with family and friends. No one would call or come to see them. The had lost hope and had no incentive to keep living.

I have also seen both situations make a turn for the better. All it took was someone that cared taking the time to sit down next to them, hold their hand, listen to what they had to say, and give them some words of encouragement.

We all could easily become one of the above patients.

We all may have experienced or encountered others that are suffering frustration, loss of hope, and are feeling like giving up on many life issues. It may be a job you are troubled with, a relationship where things just aren’t clicking, financial pressure, acute and chronic illness, death of a loved one, and many more.

If you want to make a difference in someone’s life this year take the time to show some compassion.

Touch them.

Compliment them.

Forgive them for the past.

Take time to listen to them.

Frequently a little touch is all it takes to turn someone’s life around.

Your spouse, lover, family, friends and even strangers shouldn’t have to be on their death bed to get your attention.

Add a little touch to your daily routine and change someone’s life.