Investing in a relationship can ultimately leave you frustrated when your partner starts showing a change in how they interact with you. If you are concerned that your partner may be having an affair it is important to understand a few things about getting to the bottom of infidelity.
The 3 different ways that infidelity can occur are: emotional, sexual, and psychological.
You really don’t have to take your clothes off to commit adultery, according to leading adultery expert Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil. “The
greatest betrayals to a relationship can happen without any touching. Most people mistakenly believe infidelity isn’t infidelity unless
there’s sex involved.”
Emotional infidelity is an “affair of the heart,” when someone’s heart and mind are involved, and everything is shared but sex. Experts
believe that this can actually be more dangerous and destructive to a relationship than a strictly sexual affair.
Therapist Heather McKechnie believes this is because, “people start to depend on the emotional support from someone other than their
partner, which can erode the marital relationship.”
Quite obviously, most sexual liaisons originate as peer relationships, meaning that Emotional Infidelity can be longer lasting than an
affair that is purely sexual.
The combination of emotional & sexual infidelity
At some point in an Emotional Affair, things become physical. Your cheating spouse has managed to get away with the emotional side of
infidelity, now the next step seems only natural to them.
They might even think they are entitled to this affair, as their ego has been stroked by the other person, and they are wrapped up in their
own needs. In this case, your partner is involved in the previously mentioned “I don’t want to say no” affair.
They can rationalize their behaviour; no matter how deceptive and manipulative it is, since they feel their needs, lifestyle and emotions are superior to yours.
At the point where Emotional Infidelity becomes sexual, the unfaithful spouse continues with the next step in the affair, unable to stop
themselves. When the guilty party actually feels guilty, then they are involved in an “I can’t say no” affair.
Your partner feels like they are no longer in control of their actions, and are aware that they are doing to you is unforgivable. The
cheating spouse knows they should end the affair, but see no way of how to do it, and are ashamed by this struggle.
Combination of Psychological, Emotional & Sexual Infidelity
Not all affairs begin with selfishness and a lack of will power – sometimes anger is the catalyst for the cheating spouse. In this case your
partner is involved in a “revenge” affair.
The reason for their anger and resentment may not be conscious to them; they may be acting on a subconscious level. Whatever the reason, they are being unfaithful to punish you.
Your partner might even suspect that you are cheating, or that you have been unfaithful to them in the past, and this spurs them into
seeking revenge (whether or not you have been unfaithful or not).
In a “revenge” affair, the cheating partner is enjoying the anguish that they are causing their partner, as they feel that they are settling
There are cases where infidelity is a result of some psychological trauma that your spouse has endured in the past. In this situation, the
cheating spouse has had a painful sexual history, of abuse or maybe even something as serious as rape, and their infidelity is a product
of this unfortunate circumstance.
Your partner may have buried the trauma so deeply in their subconscious. They themselves do not understand why they cannot be
The aforementioned discussion on infidelity should help your understanding of how relationships can begin to break down right before your eyes. If you suspect infidelity it is best to bring up your concerns and seek counseling with your partner, so that you both can learn how to deal with it in a healthy constructive manner.