If I Knew Then What I Know Now

 

 

 

 

happinessIf I Knew Then What I Know Now

I was recently thinking about the concept of success.

I am not referencing the kind of success defined by how many material things you have acquired, the balance of your bank account, the number of diploma’s on the wall, or degree’s behind your name.

The question that came to mind was what has to happen for someone to feel they are having a successful relationship with you. This may include your relationship with a customer, the relationship of a doctor and patient, or relationships with your family, spouse, or other loved ones.

I was once told that a patient will tell you what is wrong with them if you just take the time to listen.  

The concept of listening can be invaluable in determining the direction our lives may take.

What do people really need to consider their time with you a success?

I suspect the responses could fill many pages if a poll was taken. Everyone may have multiple points that they consider vital for a relationship of any kind to florish.

In my opinion the most critical steps anyone must take to make a relationship a success can be reduced to the following four points:

1. Listen-pay attention to what the other person is telling you. Don’t just hear them, listen to what they are really saying. We should spend most of our time with another just listening. Only then do you have the permission to give your opinion about the issues presented.
God gave us the gift of two ears and a mouth so use them appropriately. Take the time to crawl into someone else’s world and find out what makes them who they are.

 

2. Compassion- show a sincere interest in anothers problems, desires, wants, and needs. Let them know you care and have their best interest at heart. Give them confidence that you will do what you can to help them achieve what they want or relieve their suffering.

 

3. Empathy- take the time to listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Why they feel the way they do. What has happened in their life that created the thoughts and idea’s that make them who they are, today. What trials and tribulations have influenced how this person responds to different situations.

 

4. Trust- if you want to have the optimal relationship, of any kind, you have to develop trust. The other individual involved needs to feel secure in revealing themselves to you. This all starts with just listening, understanding their situation and demonstrating a sincere interest in helping them find a solution to their problems or obtaining something they desire.

Let the other person know they are safe with you and nothing will come between you. That you are a team and together you will find a solution to their problems and concerns.

Some conversations with others are filled with conflict and quickly spiral out of control. If you find someone is attacking you for what you say or stand for it is time to take a deeper look at what is creating the hostility. Frequently hostility arises out of poorly understood intentions.

They may not feel you have their best interest at heart.

You need to find out what the deeper commitment is that is driving this person to push you. If you take the time to stop and say “I think I am not understanding where you are coming from or why you feel the way you do” it will give them the oppurtunity to explain. Finding common commitments will make you both more at ease and allow you to ressolve differences and move forward. This will result in a more productive and rewarding relationship.

Most conflicts in life and relationships arise out of someone having unfullfilled expectations, unressolved intentions, or undelivered communication with another.

Get your cards out on the table. Let people know up front what they can and cannot expect from you.

If you want to move forward in your own life, keep the debri cleared out of your way.

If you have something on your mind or someone has done something that is eating at you bring it up to the one involved.

Let them know you want to get this out in the open, and all you want them to do is listen. This will help you clear your mind and allow you to continue moving forward with a more rewarding life.

If you do nothing else, do the following:

Actively listen
Show compassion, be generous
Understand to be understood
Crawl into their world
Find anothers commitment to words, recognize common commitments
Build trust one conversation at a time

If you make these steps a part of you daily life, in dealing with others, you will change the outcome and quality of your life.

Starting today, listen to what another is try to tell you, take the time to understand, offer to help find a solution, and build trust.

Follow the above with all of your heart and people will do anything they can for you.

You have to give something before you can expect anything in return.

Then you will never have to say……….if only I knew then.

 

If You Want To Get Closer To Someone

If You Want To Get Closer To Someone

It you want to get closer to someone then Travel.

I am not referring to hopping on a plane and flying thousands of miles to get closer to someone you care about.

I am referring to the person that may be lying next to you, in the next room or down the road that seems to be drifting away from you or you would like to know better, but things just do not seem to click.

I doubt there exist anyone, worldwide, that does not desire to be close to someone, to feel a touch, or just to relate at a deeper level.

If you find you are having trouble getting close to someone or building those valuable relationships in love or business consider the following tool to help bring things back to life.

T is for TRUST: Trust is the superglue that holds things together. Without trust a relationship will never move in a positive direction. This is probably the simplest concept to understand no matter what your level of education.           Some people meet may be very trustworthy, but because of their behavior or little quirks we are guarded about how we feel about them until we have had adequate time to get to know and understand them. Others we meet may be con artist; however, with a little time their true intentions will become apparent.

R is for RESPECT: Tell your friends and those you love how you feel now. Don’t wait until they are no longer around or when you are giving their eulogy. Be nonjudgmental about who they are and what they have done with their life, even if you don’t always agree. Knowing just one person cares can change someone from a mindset of hopelessness to one of hope and optimism, turning there life around and possibly saving their life.

Just show some respect and let others know they are important to you now because you want to, do not wait until you feel you have to.

A is for AFFECTION: Show that you care with love, a little touch, a kind word and perhaps the most important is listening to what they have to say. The willingness to sit and really listen to what someone has to say can change that person’s outlook on life.

V is for VULNERABILITY: There is risk associated with any relationship. However, there is some degree of vulnerability in any successful relationship. If you build walls around you to keep out
sadness, you will also be keeping out the joy.

E is for EMOTIONAL INTIMACY: Any relationship will be doomed to failure if the lines of communication are not kept open. No matter how painful it may be to discuss issues, if one side of the
relationship does not keep channels open it is certain to fail. Be attentive to the individual whose actions do not fit with what they are saying to you during your talks or the positive strokes they may give you that seem out of character to how they are really treating you. Everyone should be able to walk away from a talk with a more positive outlook about the relationship or at least feeling more informed.

L is for LAUGHTER: If you want to bring someone closer keep laughter alive in the relationship. How can you be upset with someone who keeps you smiling.

Perhaps my 4 year old daughter says it best…daddy I love you, you make me funny.

The next time you are down in the dumps, and frustrated over how things are going, try a little TRAVEL to bring back some life in those relationships that you cherish.